Candid Thoughts (free style, done around a year ago)

Never was there a more opportune time than...
the tale of such woe as the heroic Figaro
played by the actress known as Me
sung to the tune of: "Being me, Don't be Shy" . . . .

If you hide who you are, you'll always have a hard time of it. Why would you put on another face,
or record another voice to be your representative? Because you don't think you're good enough. Fragment shell of a person that you have trouble even around those close to you? Rare bird. An unclear colored word. Perhaps feeling frustrated over not expressing yourself well is just something you do. You set the standards too high. You're destined to fail. So why don't you choose a piece and move to another square? Oh, it's because your fear has you frozen. You're not going anywhere.

Bitter Rantings 
of one spiraling down into madness... (someone please take the gun!!)

Idiots all. Materialistic fools. They're talking about their iphones and ipads, while I'm missing teeth. They sit in the next cube over..and they think mine is vacant...I have stakes ready and criteria at hand for my own personal "witch" hunt. Burn all the thoughtless!! It's not fair that they have and I don't...So I'll take, even from those not at fault. It's my turn now. "Good to see you"... Like you care. I'll see you tomorrow when you've forgotten I'm there.

Scared of Your Eyes

I'm scared. Scared of the future.
Scared of your eyes...your face, your voice, your lies.
Your words...I'm scared you'll try to control me again.
I'm scared to tell you what's on my heart.
Scared to become old, to try new things...scared of sin.

I'm terrified that I don't have enough...that I won't be enough.
When things around me spiral out of my control,
my heart drowns in anxiety and the pain takes a toll.

I feel like Ichibad and the headless horseman all put together
careening at breakneck speed toward a cliff.
With a fiendish, insane grin, I breathlessly scream the magic words
but the deranged horses relentlessly pull me ever forward,
as I remain stiff, toward the brink of disaster.

Scared to live, scared to die.
Scared to breath, scared to cry.
I know I must leave this stagnant place,
but I'm afraid I might have to once again see your face.

Scarecrow's Eye Closes

If you can see me with your clown eyes,
then you've seen too much.
Late night in terror, whore of emotion,
glutton to melancholy
Wistful, dewy candles have caught my
Scarecrow's Eye.
My side aches from where it was taken
they didn't replace it.
What am I to do now?
It waits by my bed side...

Bent People & Their Hunched Views

The bent people have a hunched view.
Exotic flower...commonized
Theory of spilt milk canaanized
View from the sky over the Bermuda Triangle
foggy...as it clears...

Giving to Caesar

A rose for the Mad Hatter
A tulip for the hare
A pansy for mirror dwellers everywhere.
Posies for the departed
Tuppence for the birds
Homage must be paid
Not just with mere words.
Drumming the kettle drum
Make them march to the beat
Devil's fiddle, Angel's harp,
The puppet's market place discreet.

Follow your sign
You won't get lost
A label at any cost
Is better than moldy bread
In the basket.
If life is stale and too scattered
Here's the casket
For fallen dreams that never mattered.

A Few Facts About Me

I recently had a birthday and am now 32, but most people say I look younger. I feel like a child inside my head, yet I have no kids, and I love playing video games and sitting in the grass enjoying the sunshine. I love swimming, hiking, singing and being spontaneous.

I don't have a lot of time to play video games at this point in my life and I'm not as good at it anymore. My reflexes are slower, I get confused more easily when trying to find treasures/meet goals in games, I get more frustrated, etc... But I still enjoy them overall. I've found I have to look at it all differently: I used to feel the need to beat games and be a "pro"...now I'm just happy to play at all, regardless of how well I do. :)

Sometimes I worry too much what others think about me. I can be too eager to make people around me happy and I sincerely want others to hold me in high regard. I usually put others' needs before my own, and that can be a very bad mistake to make. I don't like to be the center of attention, but eventually I feel left out if I get no attention at all...like most of us I think. I usually think up the best responses to conversations later or after the fact, and then it gets on my nerves thinking of all the things I could have said.

I obsess over diet, nutrition and exercise....I know I'm part of a huge crowd here! I love to try new diets. I check my scale daily and try to exercise 3-5 days a week for 45 minutes to one hour. I'd like to lose about 10 pounds--even though I know I don't have to--hopefully that would trim down my thighs a little bit. I'd be fine if I just maintain my current weight, however.

I'm almost done with school now, with only four classes left. It has been a long three years since Jan. of 2009 when I enrolled at Central Piedmont Community College in Charlotte, NC to get an Associates' degree in Web Design. I currently have a BS in Graphic Design...and that's about what it's worth to me: a bunch of B.S.!!!! I LOVED my time at Mount Olive College, but it's more due to the people I met there rather than my learning experience. Being in school and working full-time has almost killed me, but I'm getting through it!! You know that cliche "they" always use about whatever doesn't kill you...? "They" say it makes you stronger. ;)

I was an only child for the first twelve years of my life. I now have one sister who is almost twenty. As a child I was very imaginative...I guess I still am, but I stay so busy that my mind is usually jammed full of work/school stuff. I loved to play in the woods behind my house. That was the stage for my most wild imaginative adventures. I made a bow and arrows out of sticks, vines, etc.. as well as a sword and other weapons. I put together a ramshackle tree/club house. I had some areas that I designated as "portals" to enter into another secret world... I pretended I didn't hear the cars going by, kids screaming or Moms gossiping coming from outside of the woods. I had a favorite tree that my Mom called a "sitting down tree"; it was small, bent over against itself and easy to climb. I read in it all the time, swinging my feet back and forth. I ran up and down muddy hills, got Georgia red clay all over my clothes and challenged the boys. One time, when I was seven years old, a boy a year older than me hit me in the face. He broke my stick arrows and told me to leave my woods! I hit him back, with a stick, and he ran to his apartment crying to his mommy!

I'm divorced as of September 2008. I was married for five years and regret that it didn't work out, but you never know what the future will hold. Sometimes, through a combination of things we can and can't help, two human beings can really make an explosive chemical reaction together that in the end creates a true mess of things.

Hmm...I was born in Atlanta, GA and lived there for the first fifteen years of my life. I've lived in two NC cities, Albemarle and Charlotte, as well as Chattanooga, TN...Unless you count the four years spent at my first college, which is in Mount Olive, NC. (Don't you love it when you get asked on applications what schools you've attended and their locations?...I do, I'm always thinking "Yeah, I attended Mt. Olive College...that's located in Geneva, Spain.") So I've lived in a few places!